apparently i started the naked brigade. and depantsed everyone who wasn't naked. her parents must hate me.
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
Using his name makes it all too personal. I refuse to get attached to this one. This is all about ass. He doesn't get a name.
Crumbling up chips, putting them in salsa, eating with spoon. New level of stoner fatassery. Its so genius/delicous i'm not even ashamed
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
ok NEVER tell the strippers its your birthday. i think i have to burn these clothes and take a bath in bleach
But seriously, I love you and you are a good person and I'll get you some ecstasy
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
Drunk is a universal language darling
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
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