he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
They poked me and kept screaming "LAUGH DOUGH BOY" it's like 3rd grade all over again.
Dude's from Puerto Rico. Majoring in Spanish is like us majoring in drinking with a minor in watching Forgetting Sarah Marshall.
I HAVE A PIGEON IN MY JACKET.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
if she didnt wantt to be febrezed, she shouldnt have smelled so desperate.
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
He said he was Greek American and that is why my legs slammed shut. During the World Cup there are only Americans.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
I really want to stop getting this drunk. I've got the Sunday scaries and it's only Saturday
Randomize
