Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
i caught a guy at work today stealing condoms. i let him go when i realized that they were extra small.
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
Real housewives of new joisy starts MONDAY. Skype session after? Virtual slap the bag?
So my retainer doesn't fit, so i'm getting drunk so i can put it back in. Alone.
You would...
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
The guy who was The Count on Sesame Street died this week too. Therefore, you should take multiple shots, count them, & go "ahh aaahh aaaahhh" after each one. I expect video...
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
It's funny because every time I go up and down the stairs it's an adventure. A A DRUNK ADVENTURE. PS I ALREADY THREW UP WTF
You threw up a gallon of vomit. I really have never seen anything like it in my decade of partying.
not ubering you a puppy
What is your friends name that I hooked up with? ....I think j found his credit card under my bed
Shut up. The only friend I need in life is Jim Beam because life is meaningless.
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