I got into an eating contest with Christina. I ate 6 oranges.
Why? Who won?
we don't know. we ran out of oranges.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
apparently, "please pick me up from the airport" also means "i got drunk on the flight and need to give you roadhead in broad daylight"
pretty sure i remember announcing that i lost my virginity to that brad paisley song when it came on during power hour?
Turned in a paper today on drug abuse. Chose to write about percocet. Just realized I started 2 sentences with "This amazing drug"
He looked at me like he has never had a girl throw up on him before.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
And then he said "if you were planning on bird feeding me that's not ok"
Thought I was doing makeup today for a photo shoot for a short film. WRONG. Try I'm on the set for a Fucking Sci-Fi PORN.
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Taylor Swift needs more songs about threesomes. I'm not sure she gets me anymore.
I'm about to order this penis-casting kit so text me within 5 mins if you're not down
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
