I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
What I lack in compassion I make up for in lack of compassion
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
My mom gave me a high five when I told her I was just using him for sex
You and your mom would make an amazing tag team
All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
And she was like "I wanted you all for myself, to love you, and treat you like gold."... See this is why I shouldn't fuck Italian chicks...
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
I'm getting offered Candy Crush lives in return for sex. Like wtf.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
Oh no...did you put star fish over your nipples again?
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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