walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
i totally fed the cab driver fruit salad with my hands while he was driving
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
Just missed the last train for another 5 hours. There are balls in or around the mouth of my life.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
Reunion weekend was a success. Had 3 ex's inside my vag. Hat trick!
My philosophy professor just told the class that he is suspicious of dolphins. The stoner in front of me totally gets it. I need to start getting high for this class.
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
I'm smoking a bowl in my bathtub. I'm meant to be alone.
I just want a simple guy who likes cats, tattoos, and doing coke off my tits.
Can't. I'm doing shots with my mom.
Something like, "Merry Christmas. I hope Santa shits in your mouth."?
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