If you die in college, do you die in real life?
My foreign exchange student got here today. I turned on man vs. food and told her that "this is all you need to know about America."
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
Its funny how you denied every part of the text except " you hate fat ppl"
1.) where are you? 2.) you making meatballs? 3.) Meatballs for sex?
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
day drinking caused me to be in bed at a decent time. can't complain.
He kept telling me that he didn't serve two tours in Iraq for my bitch ass to drink banana rum.
Fuck you guys, I'm trying to nurse my hangover and eat my chicken tenders in peace.
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Is it too forward if I ask him to bring a condom when he comes over to work on our project?
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Randomize
