Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Just because im a good person doesn't mean that I don't reserve the right to be a complete dick about it.
Doors open. I'm laying in bed watching caddy shack and drinking a vodka tonic.
And I'm out of vodka so bring vodka or 2013 will blow ass
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Quote from doctor, "that is a VERY angry vagina".
I'm fucked.
I'll only sleep there if we can bone on your balcony.
Yes. I am out of condoms. I kept filling them with glow paint and playing with them when I was on mushrooms, which resulted in me having unprotected sex last weekend
His acid is intense dude. I was just over at his place laughing about the hole in the wall I was convinced was a cat
Woke up in a car, do you own a silver car parked a few miles form the house...hope so
also, i'm not sure if i'm proud to say this but our regional manager's hot fiance was grinding on me at the reception while he stood and watched.
i suppose that explains why he told me he plans on promoting you this Friday.
Randomize
