Hey man sorry I got all grabby
tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
Just got caught pissing on a plant in her room while she was in the shower first word out of my mouth were my bad
we do all of our sexting over chat on words with friends, so my boyfriend doesn't know about it when he looks at my texts.
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I smell like fire and strippers. Successful sunday funday.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
Instead of politely asking me to shave, he passive-aggressively left me a groupon for a bikini wax. So I passive-aggresively fucked his roommate. And his roommate didn't mind my bush when he went down on me. Anyway, do you want the groupon or not?
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
I would just like to go ahead and accept my slut of the year award.
It's like 10 times better than an Oscar
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
dude the last time we saw him was 2 nights ago when he was yelling that the trees were naked or some shit then he ran into the forest. I think its time for a search party
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
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