she took out her dip, threw up, and put it back in. it was like a scene from Nick and Nora's trip to the trailer park.
Question: does the slut gene come from the mother or the father? im trying to figure out who to blame.
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
his profile picture is him throwing up "#1" hands after his lax championship next to his coach that i fucked....embarrasing for him, yet ironically beautiful for me.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
i'm about to be the still-drunkest person on the ellipticals
Every single person in NY is either baking, drinking, or photographing their cat. Reporting live from Instagram.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Have you ever had chicken nuggets while high? Because it tastes like hearing the Beatles for the first time
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
If you’re wondering why the bong is outside the garage door just know I was being environmentally efficient by not using the freezer to chill my shit
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