Todays outfit involves shorts with embroidered fish. This kids gonna die.
I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
these 2 russian guys walked past me and i got freaked out because i thought call of duty got real
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
He's nice but I'm a one bouncer kind of girl
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
A black suburban rolled up and a scary suited guy got out the passenger side and opened the door for her as she got in. Then drive off. Who did I just fuck?
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
But idk if I cried about life then banged him or banged him and then cried. Chicken or the egg?
Once you jizz in someones hat, you cant take it back.
I just lit a blunt like right in front of an old man and I was like sir please shieldeth your eyes
So he cheated on his gf again. For the third time. Second time with me. HE CRIED WHILE DRIVING ME HOME BECAUSE HE CHEATED ON HER. And I laughed the entire way. Good god I'm an asshole.
We need to know if his feet match his cock.
Randomize
