Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
This is a dangerous game of "whose life is more pathetic".
The foreigner finally woke up and the first thing he did was look up a map of the u.s. His destination is to pennsylvania.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
I should have but it might be too early in this fuckbuddyship to emasculate him
She's an ex-convict. She actually got stabbed in the face with a pen while in prison. No big deal.
He told me i had to sleep under his bed. He said it would be my castle.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
After the 2nd person threw up, you told us that your 'mint shooters' were just shots of mint mouthwash
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
Randomize