Rocking a Headband at the strip club, because of Rock of Love this shit is like their kryptonite, I smell like stripper butter and back child support.
I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Dude, can't find my socks anywhere....
Yeah, you took a shit in the harbor off a wall, used them to wipe. I'm sure they're still on the beach somewhere if you really want them back
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
my mom just wingman'd for me at a bar. i really don't know what else to say.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
I mean, two foreign guys have drunkenly confessed their love for her, so she's clearly doing something right.
My vag hurts but I feel vindicated
That is an interesting emotion combo
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
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