do u usually make out with people before telling them your name???
Everything is bigger in Texas. Including Colt's vagina.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
Today was the day I stopped kidding myself and started buying the handle of vodka.
He could list all of the presidents! Every one, and in order!! I was so impressed the least I could do was give him a blow job.
Ah, yes. Making our founding fathers proud.
answer the phone. i thought i was eating cheese but it was butter. i ate a lot of it.
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
Someone just knocked jenga into a plate of cake. I'm licking off each piece one by one.
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
The profile of her ass is just unreal. Weird way to use profile I know, but never more accurate
You called it motorboating but you just snot rocketed into my tits.
I impressed him by taking off my panties without removing my pants.
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
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