one day john is going to snap and they are going to make a new show called "john and chainsaw minus 9"
So do you want to come over? ;)
Never again opening up the Pandora's box of crazy that is your vagina. Sorry.
I projectile vomited into my sink. Jealous?
Kind of. My puke would have just dribbled down my chin and missed the sink completely.
Ohh that happened after I started to cry.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
I held his ankles while he hung off the top bunk attempting to get my pillow that fell off.
Washing vom off hardwood, so much easier than carpet. Thank you adulthood!
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Uh yeah can we get an age of consent check on Dave's penis?
Age of consent, Dave's penis. Thank you...
If you have shit your pants within the past two years, please take a seat.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
This snow needs to melt so I can get wasted on someones front lawn
I put in a tampon while driving a moving vehicle. I feel like this is simultaneously a new low and the sort of feat that deserves a merit badge.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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