Is it normal to miss your booty call?
I need to talk to you about an important matter involving lesbians.
it wouldnt have been so bad but she still had the cowboy hat on when my mom walked in
You guys were grinding to YMCA. I knew you were going to hook up with him.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
And now for everyone's least favorite sport... Drunk babysitting.
They should just send me home - I'm literally doing nothing but watching porn and listening to pandora.
No more. You can't have nice things, and vodka is a nice thing.
Never let him bartend when he's tripping. He sprinkled a ton of mexican shredded cheese over a jack and coke and called in a Monterey Jack Daniels.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
I'm worried my dog collar isn't going to come in time. I might be trying on dog collars at PetSmart next week. That could get awkward.
Please tell me why we have been neighbors since elementary school and waited until the night before I moved to fuck.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
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