so I called to to smoke and you didn't pick up so I smoked and now I'm a race car
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I ended up with a bullet proof vest and I still don't know his last name.
She handed me her tooth and asked me to hold it so she could swim.
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
Just woke up next to a girl with 30 hot dogs in my bed. Vodka you win again.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
My mom just drunk texted me complaining about her genitals smelling like Taco Bell. I really am her son
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
Nipple rings and loofahs DO NOT mix.
Living alone for four weeks has given me unrealistic expectations of pantslessness.
I told him I might be pregnant and he said he'd buy me a test and a twix bar. I'm marrying him. Tomorrow.
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
I'm not saying it wasn't great. I'm just saying sleeping with a gassy, depressed,45 year old mother was a different experience. Would do it again though.
Randomize
