If I were a boy, I'd name my penis Reptar.
Um don't talk to me about fat. I just used my chip bag to cover up all my candy wrappers in the garbage.
Joey just asked me if I ever got anything stuck in my vag.
was it embarrassing when you had to say yes?
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
He dropped me off at 4 in the morning because I made fun of Pearl Jam..
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
Dude. It's not even nine. I don't know yet.
Drink number four. Don't even tell me about its not even nine
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
Just thinking about this summer makes me feel a slight tingle of an orgasm mixed with a twinge of regret as the cold ghostly feeling of multiple hangovers creep into my body.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Rarely does a man I fucked with upgrade from me
I just woke up, its 6AM and i'm pretty sure the guy passed out next to me is 70% ugly...
Randomize
