yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
i spent 15 mins trying to take money out of ATM with my drivers license saying, "what the fuckkkk" everytime it didnt work
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
Two bottles of champagne and half a pizza later, I'm crying myself to tears watching The Nanny. Happy finals week.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Well duh, alcohol and getting fucked up are the world's common languages.
If you can count on one hand the number of times you have actually, truly nearly died this month, then you are not really living yet.
Finally another gay clarinet player. They're surprisingly rare.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
moral of my life: don't tell a guy you want to have sex with him. he'll get back together with his ex.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
Randomize
