Do you think an esthetician would be willing to wax the Chanel Cs into my crotch? That way, whenever a guy gets ready to pound on it I can go "Careful, it's Chanel."
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
i convinced her that her period would come back if we did it doggy style
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
I'm not sober enough to be having a conversation about a rap she wrote in Spanish about public safety
He probably smells like baby powder and sexual identity crisis.
She gets me. First thing she said this morning "I'll buy breakfast if you can tell me my name."
I really don't want to. I just don't know how to nicely say "dude I'm having a rough time in life right now and I just need to dress like a stripper cop, get shit faced, and have dirty crazy sex"
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
It's seriously like a finger. But it's a cock. I don't know what to do. I feel like I fuck him to be polite.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
He literally just patted me on the vagina and said goodnight to it.
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
Randomize
