Of course we end up in a gay bar... And I have to tell you there are some hot dudes here, should I pass around your Facebook?
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
he calls his bong barack obonga, commander in kief. i found where i belong.
He asked me why my bellybutton was so ugly... and wondered why i wasnt in the mood anymore.
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
No im just getting a road beer. You got my pants?
Does taking an old homeless guy to the strip club, buying him lap dances, and calling him pops all night count as a good deed???
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
She tried to subtly measure me, but I noticed. She told me I barely made the cut otherwise there would have been just a handshake as a parting gift.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I told you you to bring something to share....you brought tequila and a condom
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
I was desperate and wasn't about to let my cereal get soggy so I ate it on the toilet. Don't let me repeat last night.
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