Hey guys. This is Daniel texting on mayas phone. if she called you and told you that i made her have sex with me in my doghouse with my dog present that wasn't true.... so dont spread that.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
about to try to wax my asshole... wish me luck
If I had known I was gonna take my tights off and throw them over the balcony I would have shaved my legs.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
There are many reasons why he shouldn't come over. And each one is longer than his penis.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
my sober ride is dancing w/ a fat girl. i might be awhile
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
His ass WILL be my cock's next vacation home.
I wish I had a dick so I could say shit like that.
A little boy in a bathroom stall just shouted "mom where's your penis?? Is it inside you?"
Maybe I can find a straight girl rehab camp, like the opposite of those degaying camps, where they teach me how to love the ladies instead
Omg. I would pay ALL OF THE MONEY for that camp.
He was lasting forever and I couldn't take it so I faked an asthma attack
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Randomize
