Would it be weird if I brought slabs of bacon with me to the beach?
I thouht it was time to go to sleep and suddenly I was front row on brokeback mountain
no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
It's official, no more fat chicks or even close to that, my balls are 2 dimentional
It's not like I ment to feed you the shots of vodka, my hand just kinda slipped.
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
My cab driver has a hooker in the front seat. Really, this is serious. And weird.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
Smoked a joint with my old camp counselor and now we're going to a strip club. There is a god.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
Woke up to find my underwear in my purse to only remember I took them off at the airport
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
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