I just saw a girl in Albersons in spandex and curlers buying PBR. Only PBR.
I'm walking down the halls of our hotel and listening for sex noises and knocking when I do.
I had a dream last night that you and me were eating cheesecake and according to my FATHER I was moaning really loud in my sleep. I seriously have issues.
Also we decided you're the person whose going to die at my bachelor party...do the math you're the most logical choice
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
For looking exactly like her, she tasted less like her sister than I would've thought
Can we skip lunch and do power hour sex time from now on? I'll let you eat nachos off my body if you really need the food.
My balls are resting on a block of frozen cheese in a sealed bag
Yeah I would come and meet you but there's 3 polish girls yelling at a drunk polish guy in the carpark outside. They just dumped a whole pizza over his head and I want to see where this ends...
I don't give a shit if you judge. This isn't about you or anyone else. This is about me and my chicken tenders.
I'm getting paid over-time to sit on reddit and look at dicks and abs all day. I'm really happy right now.
It's your birthday, you should get to jizz where you want to. Jizz when you want tooo
Keep two things coming: nudes and puppy pictures
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
Randomize
