Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
he's wearing our apron and eating a pb and oreo sandwich. and calling the oreos "topless" since he took their tops off...
This whole night would have been avoided if the liquor store had air heads
you wouldn't believe how quickly birth control dissolves in vodka
I thought about puking over the balcony or the bathroom and figured the balcony seemed much funner.
I couldn't find the bathroom last night...so I wrapped myself in the curtains and stuck my butt out the window and peed from two stories up. Thank god I don't remember.
Toilet is so comfy. Serious question/why does weed make every surface feel like bed?
Just got gas in my car for the first time while high. Went better than expected.
Is it inappropriate to match with someone on tinder just to ask if the friend in his profile picture is single?
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Auto correct isn't even working for how drunk you are
havent showered in 2 days. just Febrezed my balls in the car before going into a movie alone with a 40 of Guinness.there isn't a word in English for how single I am.
What a weekend. It started with me realizing i might not be straight and ended with me spraining my foot.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize