Im in the beachers at wrigley listening to four lesbians debate the pros and cons of 2girls1cup. Success.
all i remember is screaming butter knifes are for pussies.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
She made out with the kickboxers bf. She was just asking to get kicked in the head. In the middle of the bar.
I'm not sure if I should be proud of you for having morals or disappointed in you for letting your sex life get this sad.
I'm sitting outside your room listening for sex noises eating pepperoni...slowly
Sending dick pics while driving a car going 80 in the rain at night to a married woman? Why hello 2014
You was so high that you insisted that you heard someone whistle, then you insisted they was trapped in the wall!
My actions are not mine. They are the actions of Patron.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
The candles are lit, the magic circle is drawn, now all we need to do is get naked and see how many orgasms we can manage.
Id like to submit an apology whenever you feel like talking.
Its not gonna be for awhile Im not a very forgiving person especially since you TOTALED MY FUCKING CAR.
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
How I know I would be an awful mother....I just stirred the bong up with a baby fork. A literal baby fork....
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Randomize
