She tags her boyfriend in all of her pictures on her heart...
yes you're required to wear a bikini its the snowpocalypse beach party
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
Hey. I can't work your space dryer so I'm wearing your blanket home. I'll get my clothes later. Fun party!
I also think about what hot dudes penises are gonna look like when theyre 80 and it's not pretty
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
List 10 things your GF won't do for you, and we can work through that list.
Just had a serious discussion with my ex-boyfriend about sexy nurse vs. sexy teacher. So score one for friendship I guess.
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
I woke up to the smell of shame and vomit in my hair... went to the bathroom to shower and passed out... woke back up naked with the blow dryer on... thanks for making my birthday a success
Randomize
