U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
a cemetary is a place for people to rest in peace and you just spermed all over their land
like we started out all organized and composed and within thirty mins people were throwing up in the bushes, arguing over a beer bong and jumping in the pool with their clothes on
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
I would say a second date is not looking likely, I acciedentally bit his penis. it's still bleeding 43 minutes later.
found her sleeping in the closet. woke her up and she said she was camping.
Going to get a "plan B"urrito
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
After her AA meeting, she was on the phone with her mom, and when she said, "they're making me start over with Step 1," I quietly sang, "cut a hole in the box".
Did you really get up in the middle of a tattoo to go get Taco Bell?
I'm coming right back.
The ONLY place I sext is in my anatomy class. It's an amped up level of playing doctor.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
Hope you’re getting action boo.
Definitely no. I woke up next to a bag of McDonald's.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
Randomize
