I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
MIND BOGGLER: batman and jesus are the same person. Think about it.
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
My hope for you over spring break is that you can be some disease free girl's random spring break mistake.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
No longer allowed at circus circus apparently fuvking in the elevator is frowned upon.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Halfway through the blowjob she stopped and said 'Wait I know this dick'.
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
WTF DOES CAROLINE HAVE GLASS IN HER FACE
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
Randomize
