So it's 10:55am and I just woke up on the floor in the hallway on the4th floor. There should probably be no moredrinking competetions.
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
all you kept saying from the spare room was "can you bring me a puke bowl...and the cat"
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Just met another girl you fucked but this time in seattle. Your cock gets almost as much mileage as jet blue. Anaheim and seattle both say hi, figured you don't remember their names.
Well two things you gotta know if you're gonna live here. your alcohol tolerance is gonna need to go up, and people do blow. Get used to it. Nobody is gonna pressure you into it. That shits expensive
Cop came to our door looking for you. Something about sex in public and intoxication. I said you matched the description.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You passed out in your dogs bed and you only willingly woke up because I told there was a bottle of vodka and a snickers bar waiting for you upstairs
Those boxers don't belong to me anymore. They belong to the desert surrounding Phoenix.
What were you even doing out there at 2 a.m.?
Look, i had a gallon of lemonade, a pack of smokes and a Darth Vader voice changer. What did you EXPECT me to do?
You might see me up a tree with a deranged look in my eye , just walk away at that point
Why yes, I DID want cramps for Christmas, how did you know God?
Randomize
