Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i just saw an asian skipping down the street and it made me think of you
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
We're the only two others left at work. My internal monologue is going: TAKE ME. TAKE ME NOWW. ON THE COUNTER. IN FRONT OF THE MANAGER. JUST TAKE MEEE
He started doing the gator chop at my vag and said he couldn't wait to "chomp" on it later...and I still slept with him. I hate gainesville.
This is my transition from small talk texts to booty call texts. Coming over?
Quite the smooth talker. There in 5.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
...I can smell the alcohol on your breath through that text
I didn't pop out of a cake in a speedo with diagrams
In case that's what u were picturing
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
