Dude my mom stole all your condoms
is it sad that i can masturbate and get my big O just from thinking about a Tiffany engagement ring?
Packing for the trip... do they take Visa in South Dakota?
i woke up naked with 27 half ripped $ bills in my bed from ripping them off the wall of the bar
friends with benefits? more like friends with awkward sexual tension
Yea. But u kept saying "as long as she doesn't have aids" so I was concerned
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
No dude I got way too drunk to function. 90% sure I tried to FaceTime 911.
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
I just made a drink so ill shit. It's goona be great. Ill tell you about it when you get here. Get pumped. For my shit.
i tried to break up pigeon sex because one looked too young to consent. fireball feminism ftw
AND ONCE AGAIN, MY VAGINA HAS STRUCK AGAIN. HER PLANS TO TAKE OVER MARYLAND ARE WELL ON THEIR WAY AS SHE CONTINUES TO ENGULF EVERY QUEER IN A 10 MILE RADIUS
is it bad that there is a girl in my bed right now and the only thing i can think about is the fect that its after 3am which means i cant order jimmyjohns unitll tomorrow?
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
