the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
he just kept repeating that I have nice areolas
the majority of my texts from you are at 3 AM & consist of either "I'm drunk", "you're asian", or "bratwurst"
So, I just sold my textbook to have money for Plan B.
Mission get my tooth back and find a new dick to ride starts after i sleep for the first time in 2 days.
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
I'm reffing a fight in Fight Club I don't even know what I'm doing
Hey ER girl, its the EMT you beat at blowjobs shots last night.
That is the scariest sentence I have ever read.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
Lol I'm not having group sex with you, that apron is fuckin awesome tho
I can't believe it is only 1:30...I may have to stab myself with scissors for an excuse to go home...
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
Randomize