When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
maybe tonight we can turn coloring into a drinking game
wow, so sex, not that great its like masturbating with a warm towelette, like the kind you get at a japanese restaurant
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
He told me to put on my big boy pants, then take them off and fuck her before he smacks me with a chair. His pep talks suck.
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
Stop inviting me to your birth control calender reminders...my job is to test its effectiveness, not know its schedule
Lmao sorry
Sweet. Well pat yourself on the back this penis just burst back into the the game and the vaginas of millions
He's against "violent sex" cause apparently my body is "sacred". Like dude I'm about to tell you about blowing your brother just so you'll fuck me like an animal Jesus Christ....
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
He just pulled a Spanish chick using google translate!!!! We are at the bar and she speaks zero English. Hes a fucking magician!!!!!!
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
You took off your shirt and pulled out a bottle of cherry uv and a slushee. That's when I knew you came to party
I kicked down a wall in rage and found a door behind the drywall. Once again vandalism solves all my problems.
She picked a quarter off the floor, kissed it "for luck" and won the $20,000 jackpot. She bought dinner and stayed sober to drive us home. This is a typical example of a visit with my sister.
Randomize
