I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I love how all these freshman girls think that they can wear what they wore last summer... freshman 15 at its skankiest
I may have pooped in your shoe. or somewhere else in your closet. its unclear.
We left live chickens on the basement slip n slide. Good luck finding your car keys
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
i also took my stockings off in the bathroom and blew my nose with them in the cab ride home. james was appalled
So we have also come to the conclusion that slam piece Saturday's are the appropriate follow ups to find a husband Fridays
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
definitely good. no good can come from sex in a very full public venue.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Randomize
