Ok walking to car, 3 gay guys park get out of car, one on phone says 'I dont know but I was definately getting some curb rubbing'
I think tonya harding is in my dwi class!
Ask her how she and Jeff Gillooly split the cats after the divorce.
This guy behind me is answering all of her questions. I may give him a lapdance to take my next test for me
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
but then i turned into a human whiteboard because i thought it was a good idea to bring out markers
he got mad when I told him his flaccid penis looked like a sleeping kitten
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I have a surprise for you
Is it drugs? I want drugs. Or a puppy!
I love THIS fish, the rest of the ocean can go fuck itself. I am ahab and he is my whale
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
I'm shaved like a Brazilian hooker right now.
I have the flu.
I don't give a shit
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
STOP PUTTING BUTTER ON MY FUCKING CAT
Haha we both slept with guys named Brad born on may 1st. This is a proud day for sisters.
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
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