A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I'm not holding out much hope. She met me in a nighclub when I was arguing with the cigarette machine
Well the walls are thin and I can hear the couple next door having sex. I think their dog is somehow involved.
And I just found out I called my debit card a fast food passport so I dont deserve to live
I just realized, I'm going to be on my period for the end of the world. FUCK.
I just encountered the same creepy guy I showed you, he jumped inside the dumpster screaming.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
THANK YOU for not letting me make out with that girl omfg I was one step away from a foursome in the handicapped stall
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
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