Seeing him suck some chick's face on VH1 wasn't exactly how I imagined the "we should see other people" conversation going.
I drank 13 shots. Which is unlucky. Which is why i threw up.
you threw up because you drank 13 SHOTS
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
My vagina is depressed thinking about her future.
That's cause you yelled across the parking lot you wanted to eat her out
No. I want to vom filet mignon and ziti bits everywhere and my body feels like I ran a cock triathalon. I feel less triumphant and more like death.
The bad news is that I stole all your drugs. The good news is that ITS KICKING IN!
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
So vagazzling was a success
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
So I forgot to ask, how was that bartender you slept with two weeks ago?
Google chlamydia.
...i have a beer in one hand, and a chicken wing in the same. typical tuesday, right?
Randomize
