come pick me up. please. i just puked in my lap. bring pants.
No, I think it was the night I threw up in her front yard. You're thinking of the time I threw up in her backyard.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
Then you jumped in the pool because your were convinced the scratches on your neck from the cat were gills and you could breathe underwater.
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
He's like a computer from 2001 in a 2014 world. It just doesn't work. Lots of glitches.
OMG -- There are strippers in the bathroom crying because their power moves aren't good enough to win the competition
I woke up naked buried in snacks. Best night ever.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
I will most likely miss you the least and fondly remember you as Mr. "I need a minute" but really need 24 hours and 4 extra inches.
I just found a bag of chex mix in my clutch
You were feeding it to the bartender last night
He's a college graduate, has an excellent job, and respects his family. To say nothing of his 8.5 inch cock. His narcolepsy not withstanding...I'm marrying this motherfucker.
Randomize
