I was being carried out of the bar, but then my friend saw Pat who just got kicked out scaling the wall to sneak back in, so he carried me back in, sat me on the bar stool, and the bartender just let us all keep drinking.
Being persistent has its perks my friend.
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Just explain how I got from the bar to a house I've never been in, waking up to a cop in uniform ripping a bong
She saves ONE person's life while blacked out and now she's positive anything can be done "while fucking hammered"
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
Topless dodge ball cldnt top that
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
We need to get stoned and watch Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles 2. This has become a priority. Schedule accordingly.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
You fell in the corner and refused to get up unless someone helped you. And then you crawled under the pool table and took a nap.
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
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