Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
Sitting in the library lobby in the middle of exam week. Drunk. Dressed as santas slutty helper. Waiting for the student shuttle service. People are clapping for me as they walk by. Tell me how this isnt college
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
i gave her a can of corn and told her the cabs are accepting non perishable food items over the holidays. blatant lie and she lives like $40 away
with all this snow coming, and no school, I figure why not try every possible liquor snowcone.
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
foreskin is a definite game changer
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
You don't know how much I love you. You could play Careless Whisper while we have sex and I'd still love you
I don't know how it happened. All I did was tell her I was impressed by her presentation. Her nail marks on my back ain't going away anytime soon.
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