Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
her lazy eye was starring daggers at me.
I just saw a kid walk into class with his dad. Fuck his life.
I brought red and green boonsfarm to the white elephant party. classy and festive. I think this is what people are referring to when they talk about killing two birds with one stone.
someone put bongwater in my humidifier again THIS NEEDS TO STOP
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
Judging by my dry clothes and wet sheets, I think I might have gotten out of bed, pissed ON it, covered it up, and passed out on top of it
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
The bartender cut me off so I peed in the corner. How no one noticed I have no idea.
I threw away my jacket instead of washing it, the jungle juice stained me more of shame than red food coloring... i have never been that white girl wasted before...
Your dog took my vibrator out to the yard
Too bad Amazon Prime wouldn't get the wine bra flask to you in time. Concealed alcohol and huge tits? Win-win.
Hey, is this going to be a real date, or am I just meeting you at a hotel to have sex in the bathroom? Given our history, I think it's a fair question.
Dude, exfoliate your balls. you'll thank me later.
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