O.A.R does not stand for Old Recycled Abortions.
if socks could get pregnant i would have catholic amounts of kids
I told my boyfriend my favorite food was strawberry poptarts, now my email inbox is getting spammed with nude pics of him with his dick in a poptart box..
I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
Heyyyy darlin are you busy?
Why hello drunk Jake. It's sober Sarah, I'll tell drunk Sarah you booty called. She'll probably be around tomorrow night.
I popped a zit on your vagina. Don't say I never loved you.
i think i pulled off the nice guy thing too well. it just backfired later on when she thought i was actually nice.
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
My judgement was not "clouded". My judgement was in the midst of a fucking hurricane or something ridiculous.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
I dunno what he did but it both burns and feels amazing to pee
Need to spend sober time with him while fully clothed. I can't decide if he's a seriously amazing man or a complete fucking dickbag.
This is me not judging you for what a fine line you draw between the two.
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
Randomize
