someone get that fucking seahorse.
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
He told me he was ok to drive home. Then I found him face-planted in the parking lot.
I just spent the past twenty minutes checking out a girl who turned out to be a mannequin. I need AA.
Just found a keg and a mini-bike in our garage, this couldn't possibly go wrong
At the pride parade. It's not even noon and I'm drunk as shit... for equality of course
There's just something about sucking a flaccid dick that makes me feel so calm. Like a baby cow..
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
All I remember is me taking my automatic nerf gun getting on top of him and saying..."look whos in control now!"
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