We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
So he texted me two hours ago to tell me he just took two hits of acid. Now he's asking me if it's possible for a house to breathe.
Brilliant thought; pill pong.
What could go wrong?
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
You called me into the kitchen so you could show me that you were peeing in the kitchen sink and then told me to leave bc you couldn't do it with me watching
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Well, after a pitcher of beer, I set my ex on fire. It was a little fire, he's fine. How's your night?
We can only continue to use the "oh what's the difference between circumcised and uncircumcised" for a few more months before people will see through our lies
Randomize
