I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
Im so hungover that my 6 year old cousine made me aspirine and coffee out of playdoh...
We welcome drunken adversity.
With open legs.
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
May he have a McRib induced stroke and lose the feeling in his tastebuds.
At one point, the bartender wrote out the words "please kill me" on some receipt paper and slid it across the bar to me.
He showed up at 1:10AM covered in mud and vomit, wearing a headband that said victory in Japanese. I WANT PICS.
Yes I’m serious. I just worked YOUR 12 hour shift on 3 hours of sleep if you come over without tacos and an ice cream cake in hand we are done
The sex was so good we high-fived after.
Randomize