In the future we'll all be gay
I haven't shaved so I have to behave myself. I'm going to do this from now on.
how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
I thought his dick was headless. then I pulled back the foreskin.
Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder
U handed him a box of flavored condoms, winked, and slurred, "grape juice is her favorite."
he came in the shower with me...i thought it was going to be nice and romantic...until he started peeing on my leg.
You know just a typical night. Eating peanut butter off of tablespoons and having sex to our favorite Christmas carols. This is my favorite time of year.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
The cops asked Ben if he was drunk and he slurred "I'm man enough to admit that I am" with a southern draw
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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