I just creeped all your pictures on Facebook -- it was like I watched you grow up right before my eyes.
And that's when he stuck his finger up his own ass to prove it would feel good...
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
im the poster child for why you shouldnt play beer pong with wine.
I was the last girl at the bar last night. It was like a battle royale between 10 guys.
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
Bring my gorilla suit and my bong.
Oh its going to be that type of weekend?
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
So the TSA can feel me inside and out in front of 40 people, but they catch me fucking in the bathroom 20 feet away and all of a sudden their the decency police
he had a beard, sexy nerd glasses and kept referring to his penis as 'this dick' its like jesus was saving my perfect match for my prime
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Give me like 5, I have to feed a moose and find my pants.
Randomize
