they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
A homeless guy asked you to feel your boobs, you accepted in exchange for his broom to go with your witch costume..... that's when I cut you off
I don't drink during the week.... well, except for Bailey's Tuesdays, which I have to start implementing further.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
Hands down the most disgusting picture message ever received. Thank you.
im here for your entertainment
Monday: I just need a drink Tuesday: OMG no more this week! Wednesday: oh shit how'd I get drunk Thursday: I'm glad you've stopped the pretenses
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Sorry I disappeared. Do you hate me?
Not at all, did you not hear me clapping outside your car on our way out?
He called me baby cakes during sex... Can U not
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I added our drug dealer to the quickbooks software babe, he is listed under vendor's as an expense category... money management is such a bitch...
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