i totally forgot about the coupon that said i would show him how i pleasure myself.
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Dude dan is so baked he taped his remote to the futon so he couldn't lose it again. Come over here
Going abroad, it was like my vagina was in a candy store... a sweet sweet british candy store
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
What is it with the dog running away when we have epic hangovers
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Because 9 pm Thursday you drink a loco cause you just wanna get drunk and have a good time with your friends. Then you wake up on Tuesday and you've had 17 locos and you're pregnant, lying on the side of the road, 3 states over. THAT'S why we don't have only locos parties.
I laid naked in his bed as he brought me an ice cream sandwich so I would say everything worked out great
I'm glad you don't care about kids. That's one of your better qualities.
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
We met behind our asshole boss's back with the intent to oust him from the company. If this revolution is a success, bring nachoes.
Randomize
