If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
he got wood on it!
i know. i had to sit in his lap on the plane. he also wore teva sandals.
...i was talking about hockey
OH RELAX, IT WAS PITY SEX.....
I have a masturbator in my 5th grade class. the teacher told me ever since they caught him humping the desk in 2nd grade, they haven't been able to control him. he's even on medication but he will just do it in class
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
I've decided I'm going to drink again. More. Day drinking. Night drinking. Everything. It's the responsible thing to do since I'm not pregnant
This is a mass text. First one to reply gets head.
Before anyone claims this, this chick is in my boyfriend's phone as "Worst BJ EVER!"
Does that mean you're calling dibs or can I?
Any idea why the fuck i would replace all the music on my ipod with the fucking Goosebumps theme song?!?
Apparently drunk you is really nostalgic?
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
My bed smells like the plague
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
The closest thing I've had to an orgasm lately is sneezing nonstop from fucking allergies.
Randomize
