I can only speak casual parseltoungue, im not bad though. just the general, "wheres the bathroom?" "open the chamber of secrets" that type of stuff
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
omg i finished an entire carton of double double chunk chunk ice cream last night...
what? what exactly is in double double chunk chunk?
self-loathing.
then you asked me to turn your jeans into "jorts" just long enough to cover your ballsack
My mom's crying. That means it must be Christmas.
alcohol. turning childhood friends into awkward hookups since the dawn of civilization.
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
we knew you were done when they played It's All Coming Back To Me Now by Celine Dion and you started crying
Cock is NEVER random. You may quote me on that.
I woke up in my living room, on the floor, wearing nothing but a fur coat?
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
Bed, food, and you got really nice boobs. That's it really. Foundations of friendship right there.
How do I stop your cat from bathing me? I'm afraid she'll get drunk off my sweat
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
You threw him in the dryer?
He went in of his own accord. Mumbled something about experiencing the blossoming of popcorn.
Randomize
