I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
I keep calling his kid the wring name. This is not helping my cause. And by cause mean his dick
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
You haven't had the true md experience until you've had your crotch grabbed by a drunk stripper with a snaggle tooth in front of your coworkers.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
How could I forget your birthday? I have an alarm in my phone to ask you for sex that day.
While I'm on hiatus from the Russian potato nectar, it is my wish for others to enjoy it in my stead.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
It's a classy one I promise! Their toilets are cushioned an tier wifi is named hummingbird
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