try this...when you orgasm scream his address including city state and zip...
If she sucks any more cock I swear she will be a spermivore
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
Fantastic. I'm pretty cold, tired, dirty, and hungry, but that comes with an adventurous weekend. Who needs a wallet or keys anyway? I could totally be homeless.
Im on the side of I-10 covered in sweat, cookie dough, hollandaise sauce, onion gravy, and ground beef wondering how my life I ended up here
Ugh he's texting me.
Tell him you're no longer interested in what he has to offer; his shitty personality outweighs his sexual prowess.
In a strange taxi 3059. Battery dying I'm dying. Bye.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
"Wait, who's gun did I have?" Moments when you re-examine your life choices.
My fake id got more birthday sex than I've had in my life.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
I just set up a proportion to calculate how much Jolly Rancher vodka I can make with the limited amount of Jolly Ranchers I have. Finally, real-life application of math.
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
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