Def gonna have stinky sex sometime soon. GOT TO! she has eligible friends for you, as well.
Well to be completely honest its more of a 'i wanna do things to you that your parents would not enjoy hearing about' mood
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
He said I did a backflip off the thing on the doorframe and busted my ass. I'd give anything to remember
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
so I found out I could dislocate my shoulders on demand while I was trippin on e last night...
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
just saw two eagle scouts making out in chic-fil-a
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
Randomize
