naighbors jacking off again. i swear its his friday night ritual, its like he knows the night wont be ending in his favor
It was ok at first, but now im getting freaked out by him jerking off to me doing yoga
Dude i was hungover i didnt know she was in the shower, she screamed i screamed we all screamed and i just so happend to piss in the shower.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
He told me he wants to eat me out all day while I lay in bed watching football. Seems like a solid foundation for a relationship to me.
I'm just going to have crazy good sex with him until one of us developed feelings that works in the movies right?
First day back to class and I have already pulled out the hard liquor
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
Where you at? Come home and endure this shit show called "The Second Presidential Debate".
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
Im too stoned for my mom to be picking up hitch hikers. Help.
Randomize
