I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Since you didn't call me back last night, I can only assume that in 9 months you're going to have a child that I'm going to refer to as, "Daddy's little mistake in Miami."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
Wtf. I just got invited to a threeway bj session in the bathroom at boiler. Lmao
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
All i'm saying is it doesn't matter how drunk you were, at 26 years of age you should always remember to take down you pants before you shit in the toilet
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Can we be in one of those super weird relationships where you carry me around everywhere?
but I have boobs. I'm not going to buy my own drinks at the bar like some kind of fucking animal.
I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
You know if we weren't hooking up I think we'd actually be friends
His dick is a spiritual experience and meditation is very important to me.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
Randomize
