I just saw a commercial that said "call your doctor if erections last more than 4 hours". I said "disgusting" and my mom said "I know, i hate when that happens." Get me out of here.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
Had sex with him. My tampon is now in my brain. May need surgery.
today is monday, i feel like we should do something illegal
Contrary to what I yelled at them last night, it turns out campus police CAN arrest people...
I just remembered how awesome your handjobs were in 7th grade, you were a true champ, thank you
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
I don't know when it is this year, but if I ever text you an illegible text that also happens to contain sharks, Shark Week started.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
He just unloaded a dump truck full of red flags on my head.
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
Yah. Then he started clapping my boobs together in his hands and started shouting "the seas are angry!"
I'm making a sandwich topless right now. Remind me again why I don't have a boyfriend?
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