zippers are such a cool invention
Nothing better then your mother meeting someone you randomly had sex with and him introducing himself as the guy who rocked her world once.
I think I left my camera at your house. It would be in both of our best interests if you don't go through the pics.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
I need a Xanax. A Veggie Delight. And exhibition style sex.
not sure if I should be concerned that my brother just stormed into my room and looked at me with a serious face and said, "I'm a peacock, you have to let me fly." oh, vicodin...
I've got to admit, I'm a little hesitant about giving him road head. I've seen how he drives and I've seen how he acts when I give him head. A small part of me is saying this is going to end badly.
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
Gay?
German.
Pity.
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
He's gonna turn my vagina into the Sahara desert
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
Randomize
