the only thing i knew about you is that u dated jordan and were potentially interested in a threesome
i'm sure there's a big cosmic reason for things working out the way they did. like, now you have awesome images to masturbate to.
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
i just saw you make out with a girl with facial hair...just thought i would document that in case you forgot
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
So the doorbell rang while we were banging, and I'm pretty sure the pizza man saw my dick. But hey, we got pizza.
I'm still laying in bed cuz I don't feel like adulting yet
I just need to find someone whose kink is financial submission.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
you said you were going to the bathroom. we found you an hour later laying in the backyard clutching a bottle of vodka while singing the beatles and crying
you can't just call dibs on my vagina bro.
Randomize
