hey remember that time we got really drunk, you tried to find narnia in my refrigerator and passed out in the freezer drawer??
no.
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
I love wearing low cut shirts cuz then when class gets boring, I can look down and admire my breasts.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
Get the fuck buddy a birthday present or not? He def deserves one, but how do I explain the debit card charge to my husband?
you're going to have to hot glue me into my dress tonight. there's no way out.
This is one of those moments when you do what I say or I come stalk you down like a gazelle.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
Sending a dick pic with a 2010 time stamp on it is violation of proper sexting etiquette
If I asked you to guess what I'm doing right now how many guesses would it take to get to really high eating an apple bumping techno
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
I actually had to tell him that sex doesn't replace my Tupperware. Our relationship has reached a weird level.
Should I get the rainbow boxer breifs???
As your boyfriend, this is a level of gay that even I can't handle.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score one for mom.
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