he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
You have to stop getting hammered and preaching about that mission trip to Haiti.
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I just canoed to the bar. I am a skilled drunk paddler.
No, I got those cupcakes fair and square. That homeless man should have known not to underestimate the determination of a stoned chem student.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
idk, it started getting weird when they were looking up videos of lesbian giraffes
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Let's run into the wild and just eat berries and have sex all the time.
My favorite thing about your netflix account "suggestions for you" section: Russias Toughest Prisons is followed immediately by Strange Sex
Dude in the stall next to me shitting and sobbing. Dude another stall over, "Come on bro, you gotta loosen up." This is why I don't shit in public.
Is she blowing you? I'm in the closet.
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
Randomize
