phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
do you actually have a paper bowl full of broken glass and ecstasy or was that just a dream?
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
Just came out of my room at 8 AM to find 2 pounds of raw hamburger and a half eaten cake strewn across the hallway. And I'm not surprised at all.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
I don't want to get into details but it feels like there was a bear mauling involved. A very good bear mauling.
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
THERE ARE SO MANY ALCOHOLS IN MY BLOOD RIGHT NOW
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
whatever. i just wanna get "forget my own name" wasted
no. you need to know your name so people know where to return you when you get lost.
I can't really feel a difference, so essentially I paid 60 bucks to bedazzle my vag.
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