I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
Im eating the cereal I found in my pocket and drinking wine out of the bottle.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Bachelor party turned 19 hour search and rescue in the mountains. nbd
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I've been smelling a baby wipe for three minutes. I didn't think I was that drunk but I guess I am
I feel as bad as you right now. I'm about to use one girls car to go see another one
Fuck ya. But normally I drove one girls car picking up a different girl while texting another girl lol
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
I mixed Jack with hot chocolate. This may be the best or worst idea ever. I have yet to find that out
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
So that guy from plenty of fish has a lightning bolt tattooed on his face. I kinda feel like I HAVE to sleep with him now.
I thought I'd never say this, but if I had to choose between these cookies and sex, it would be these cookies
Randomize
