so that wasnt chicken after all
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
all he gave me for my birthday was sperm
at least its a homemade gift
not allowed to tweet this cos she's following me but i definitely just got head in a stairwell of the university of chicago. wanted you all to know.
Look, all I'm sayin is $2 boilermakers and an expense account are probably a bad mix…
It's been 5 months since I last wore a condom.
Not including when spray tanning
Puked up what appears to be battery acid next to the treadmill. Everyone noticed.
I look like a zombie and smell like a stripper. Its gonna be a good day.
It is. We should just be drunk all the time forever everything is like just 90% more perfect
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
Also barcrawl friday. You ARE wearing a tiara
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize