She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
But then he started to talk about his wedding he wants and I quote " and yes parts will be choreographed"
Tell your friends I said hi and that if they touch your penis I'll cut off their hands.
I didn't ask to see his penis, it was an ambush. Impressive though
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
A gay guy went down on me in the club bathroom and then fixed my makeup for me
its gonna be a great night
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
She told me I was absolutely not allowed to sleep with him even though she knows I'm a rule breaker who loves a good challenge.
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
I just split a tacobell party box with my boss. 12 tacos. We were equals for a moment.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
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